1. Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life

Losing the blame mentality is a really tough one for many people but the truth is that however the past affected you You and you alone own it. No one can upset you, no one can ‘make’ you angry or otherwise unless you are allowing it. Losing the blame is incredibly self-empowering because then you can begin to take control of your own emotions and life outcomes. By developing this shift in paradigm you will find you respond rather than react to things as you realise you can’t control what others do or say but you can control yourself in the way you act and the way you respond and your ability to let go of blame.

2. Respect Yourself and Others By Creating Healthy Boundaries

It’s OK to say NO! Often we will do things that we really don’t want to do and this can become a destructive pattern in our lives. As we bind ourselves in this way with our “auto-yes’s” we further concrete a false belief system that we have to say “yes” to show love or friendship or prove that we are a good person.

Become conscious of the habitual “yes” response, think about requests that are being made of you and allow yourself the right to say “no” at times where it just doesn’t feel right. Additionally respect those that say “no” to you. Don’t take their “no” personally, understand they are being true to themselves in that moment.

Remove self-imposed dictating words from your language. Words such as ‘I or You should do this’, ‘I or You must do that’, Nobody likes to be dictated to but yet we so often will impose this on ourselves and others. If someone really doesn’t want to do something – think about it…… would you really want them to do it when they feel that way?

3. Get Rid of Your Stinking Thinking!
Become conscious as to the content of your thoughts. Use your emotional navigation system (or your feelings) to determine the quality of your thoughts. Your feelings are a direct “reaction” to your thoughts so if you are feeling “bad” you are thinking a thought that is “bad/negative and not uplifting”.

Don’t attempt to “try to not think bad things”, if I say “don’t think of a white elephant” that’s exactly what you will think about. Simply divert your attention to a positive thought which will automatically change your emotional state to align with the thought and produce a good feeling.

Draw a table with two columns, one is FEAR the other is LOVE, you can essentially divide your thoughts into two categories, FEAR makes you feel bad, LOVE makes you feel good.

It’s your choice what column you are going to live by. Choose LOVE, choose what feels GOOD. “As a Man Thinks So He Is” (Napoleon Hill).

Simple as that…..

4. Believe in Yourself

Self-belief is essential. As Henry Ford said “Whether you believe you can, or whether you believe you can’t you’re probably right”.

If you do not believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

Learn to trust your instincts, listen to the wisdom that comes from within and don’t be afraid to go with it. Yes sure sometimes you may get it wrong but remember there are no mistakes only lessons.

5. Learn to Listen – Learn to Hear

Listening is an art form which many of us have not focused on developing. It is not a natural thing it is learned.

A wise old owl lived in an oak,

The more he saw the less he spoke

The less he spoke the more he heard.

Why can’t we all be like that wise old bird? – unknown author

Listening Vs Hearing…

Listening means focusing and paying attention not only to what someone is saying in verbal content but also observing their use of language both body and voice – being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively and actually “hear” what the person is saying depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages. Giving someone your undivided attention and focus and taking time to hear them will result in developing worthwhile connected relationships – as we all just want to be heard and understood.

We are receiving massive amounts of “information and messages” in each moment. Some of the information is through what people are saying to us, other information is being delivered to us by what we see.

“There is beauty all around us… It just depends what lens you are looking through… Changing your perception creates a way for the lense of your heart to find the gift and the joy in those things that once caused you pain. (Sara Dann (McDonald) 2013).